Tell me how you really feel

“Hiding how you really feel and trying to make everyone happy doesn’t make you nice, it just makes you a liar.”
― Jenny O’Connell, The Book of Luke

I feel like this sometimes. I try to be kind because The Lord wants me to be kind. My mother wants me to be kind. And truthfully there are so many assholes in the world, I figure I don’t need to be one too. And I like being kind. I enjoy being nice in a world full of asshole people sometimes. I don’t like to rock the boat. I like harmony and all things happy.

But sometimes I feel I compromise my happiness and while I’m trying to be nice I completely leave out honesty and it makes me sick. I feel trampled and sometimes even like a martyr. I just wish I could be honest.

No I don’t want to eat there. No I don’t want to do that. I’d rather be alone. I’d rather have company, please come with me. I’d rather spend my holiday this way, etc etc.

I pray and The Lord always says be kind child. I listen but it’s frustrating when others are not kind back.
Some people are so honest. I have a friend like this. But I find it refreshing because you never wonder what he’s thinking or needing because he will just tell you. Me? I’m choosing my words and sometimes they just remain unspoken.

How to balance honesty and kindness? More praying.




When I was a little girl, I believed with all my heart that God collected all my tears. I have no idea what he did with them. But I know my tears never went unnoticed by him and he heard every tear…every word. I always felt better after I cried with him.

I’ve shed many tears this past year over lots of children and lots of families I don’t even know. Some of these sweet, beautiful babies have died from cancer and other diseases. These last children died in their classroom from gunshots.

I’m crying and trying to make sense of it, and I just can’t. I know my Lord. He’s awesome and loving and just. And this, this seems so unjust. Parents burying their babies. I can’t wrap my mind around it and I feel distant from God. I hate that the most.

I’m gonna continue to cry and pray. I don’t know if I will come up with anything but I know The Lord will hear me. I know he will cry with me, and I hope he gives me some peace.

God bless….


I don’t know where these words came from, but I’m pretty sure it was not the bible and I wish they would go away

I will start by saying, please correct me if I am wrong. If you know where these two “words of wisdom” came from, please let me know……

I was driving on the expressway the other day, got off my exit and came to a stop at the bottom of the ramp. This person in front of me had some window cling thing that said, “God only gives us what we can handle.” It instantly reminded me of the other stupid words I hear all the time, “God helps those who help themselves!”

Does it really say these things in the bible? Who originated these sayings? I don’t believe that God expects me to “handle” anything! Isn’t that the problem everywhere we look, the country, the schools, our marriages, etc. Every where you look, we’re all going around trying to handle it. I think God wants us to come to him with everything, that is he is NOT asking us to handle or carry any burden. We may come to him and just cry while he knows the words of each tear drop, or we can yell, or be mad, or whatever……but I know we need not handle it alone. It’s kind of the whole point of HIM. Well that, and so we’re saved.

And who is “giving” us this “stuff” anyway? Is it HIM? People loosing jobs, cancer, hurricanes wiping out entire city’s, abuse, etc. What is he just up there passing this shit out and saying, don’t worry I don’t give you any more shitty ass crap than you can handle. Suck it up cupcake….you can handle this! Okay see ya later!

He never promised we would not have trials (or shitty ass crap as I called it above) he just promised we would not go through it alone. So, I know he does not want us to handle hit .He wants us to trust him and come to him with even the smallest of shitty ass crap we cannot handle. This is what I think. Wow a stupid window cling got me so fired up! LOL.